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Reviewer: Corriebird Signed starhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 07/05/2008 06:55 PM Title: Chapter 1

good start-- next time don't explain things so much. For instance, "Ron Weasley was meeting his friends Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom for their weekly buddy get together at the Three Broomsticks," could easily be shortened to, "Ron was meeting Harry and Neville at the Three Broomsticks, where they often hung out together."  That's much smoother. Know your audience! This is a harry potter website, so we're going to have read most of the series, if not all. you don't have to explain background.



Author's Response:

Thanks for your thoughtful review, Corriebird.

As I'm not an English native, one of the things I know I do too much is explain stuff in my fics. I know my audience but when a writer doesnt write in their mother language, this can happens.

Thanks for pointing it. :)

Glad you liked for taking your time for review.

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