Date: 09/22/2007 09:06 PM Title: Chapter 1
This is a really great concept. Gave me leaky eyes just like Ron.
You've got a couple of perspective issues where you seem to jump from 3rd person to 1st person. I don't mean your italicized sections; those are a nice touch with his thoughts. Specifically, paragraph 4 & 12 have this problem. Otherwise I loved this !
Yeah... i haven't written in a very long time, and once i got going, i didn't really stop, even though i got sidetracked with the perspective... Its a reacuring issue that i will probably lose.
In any case thank you for your review