You write jealous!Ron well. I was surprised by the ending, as I thought that they'd all wait to talk about this in the morning.
Author's Response:
Hi there! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing- very much appreciated! :o) Glad you enjoyed Ron (isn't he lovely?) and were surprised. I was hoping readers might be caught slightly off-guard by the first couple chapters. Thanks again! *chocolate biscuits for you*
I like Ron being both in the moment and in the past. And I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to realise that she is involved with Harry, so I like that sad ending.
Author's Response:
Thank you again for reviewing! It's so gratifying to hear that you're enjoying Ron- he's my absolute favourite character. I think a lot of people were waiting for that moment as well and waiting for him to be hit with the reality of how everything is different. Thank you for your wonderful feedback! *shortbread for you*
Good Hermione, in-character, and the emotions still felt raw despite the passage of time.
Author's Response: Thank you again! :o) Glad you enjoyed the characterization of Hermione and the depth of her emotions. Angst and grief are some of my favourite things to write, both of which were in that segment, so that was fun. *phish food ice cream for you*
I got a little confused about which part was a dream, but otherwise good. I like Ron's bitter running commentary on Harry and Hermione's conversation, and how well they know their Ron.
Author's Response:
Another review! I've been very spoiled by you! I'm actually glad you were a little confused about what was a dream and what wasn't. You were meant to feel that way, since it's 1st person POV and that's exactly how Ron feels throughout this segment. Ron's commentary was fun to write, because he is kinda sarcastic and biting, so it wasn't difficult to get into that place with him. *apple pie for you*
LOL, Molly will complicate things! Actually, I had assumed that the Weasleys knew, so this definitely changes things. And I'll be curious to see Ginny's reaction.
Good mix of emotions. And I like the detail of the frying food at the end, homey and real.
Author's Response: So glad you're enjoying the emotional portrayal throughout the fic! That makes me very happy! :o) I liked the idea of him napping while Molly cooked too; that felt very in-tune with how I've imagined the Burrow. Thanks for the great comments! *chocolate covered strawberries for you*
So Ginny does know, though less than she could if she used her Legilimency. Molly is very wise. And good angsty!Ron.
Author's Response:
Yes, Ginny's very much in the know, but she's not forcefully intruded. I think she knew what her limit was and didn't cross it. Glad you're liking Molly and angsty!Ron. Personally, he's my favourite Ron. Thanks for another lovely review! ::hugs:: *creme caramel for you*
I would love to know what you thought!
Um, I don't know actually, since it ends on a cliffhanger. I was hoping for Ron and Harry to talk more, but I guess that this story is more about Ron's journey so that he's ready to talk to Harry, and Hermione. As such, it's well done but frustrating. Did you write a sequel?
Ah, I see now, the story is far from over. I'll probably read the rest all at once when it is.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely reviews!!! I really, really appreciate you taking the time to read my fic and then letting me know what you thought about each chapter. I understand about waiting until it's over- I tend to get like that with WIPs as well, though sometimes I cave and then wait in anticipation of the next installment. ::hugs:: Thanks again! :o) *blackberry tart for you*
First off, I get the L'Engle comparison, though it also made me think of Slaughterhouse Five (the outer-space parts). Only, H & H are even more isolated. I was disturbed by how and how much Hermione punishes herself, and I almost stopped reading, but I decided to trust you and keep going. I'm glad I did. It's still disturbing but the angst is very powerful and well-handled.
I found Harry a bit too passive and gentle, more Book 6 than Book 7 if that makes sense. And would he really be that ignorant about women? I know you've written him that way elsewhere, and it's certainly more plausible than when people write him as a savvy super-stud, but it seems like he would know more than that. I do like how you handled his feelings for Hermione, and his desire was sexier than in some of your other stories, because it overpowered him, no matter how he fought it.
Ron was good but more forgiving/understanding of everyone, including Viktor than I'd expect. I think if he caught H & H cuddling, post sex, everyone's reactions would be a bit more plausible. It's like they immediately forgot they were fucking until he reminded them. Maybe that's to do with the weird planet/spa they're on but everyone accepted it more than I'd expect.
I like your take on Viktor, though I hadn't ever thought of his father as rich or Muggle-hating. But bravo to Viktor for being so likable and down to earth despite that.
I like that you didn't divide this up into chapters. I think given the way that the world/story went in circles, it couldn't be divided. It had to just go on and on till the end. Even with the shifts in POV, the situation was inescapable.
The only problem is, it's harder to isolate specific parts for commenting on, compared to if it had divisions. So I'll just conclude by saying that, despite my criticisms, you did good with a hard story.
I really need to read the late Ms. L'Engle. Hermione's self-abuse was incredibly disturbing to me, and incredibly hard to write.
Do please remember that this story was written more than a year ago. The Harry I had to work with then was, indeed, book six, not seven.
I agree with your criticism of Ron's forgiving Harry and Hermione. Not so much Krum, who he went to "hat in hand" looking for help, and was treated with great magninimity and then real friendship.
The story did appear on my LJ in 10 parts, presented as I wrote them, but I always saw it as a single, unchaptered fic. It can be read in ten chapters at The Restrivted Section.
Thanks so much for the very kind and cogent words. I heartily appreciate them.
Sexy snogging scene. Quibble, typo in the chapter title, should be "ad nauseam," unless it's supposed to be a pun.
Ironically I ended up here via The Ladies' Room, but as a HRH-trio-shipper, I'm not complaining. ;-)
Good characterizations, esp Ron, with his secret sensitivity. Surprisingly canonical. Sexy and matey between Ron and Harry. Good description of their respective friendships wtih Hermione.
Quibbles: Would Mrs. W disapprove of Harry/Ginny? She adores Harry. I doubt she'd object to snogging, and it's not like she'd know about the wanking.
I find it a little distracting to get a British spelling on "pyjamas" but not on the -ise/-ize verbs.
Well, however you got here, I'm glad you found me! Glad you liked my characterizations.
I wasn't trying to imply that Mrs W would disapprove of Harry/Ginny at all, merely of Harry entertaining naughty thoughts about the only Weasley daughter. Perhaps that didn't translate so well in print. As for the spellings, I probably need to go through the whole story one of these days and fix all that. Not that I'm an expert now by any means, but when I was writing this, my knowledge of British spellings was sorely limited.
Well, however you got here, I'm glad you found me! Glad you liked my characterizations.
I wasn't trying to imply that Mrs W would disapprove of Harry/Ginny at all, merely of Harry entertaining naughty thoughts about the only Weasley daughter. Perhaps that didn't translate so well in print. As for the spellings, I probably need to go through the whole story one of these days and fix all that. Not that I'm an expert now by any means, but when I was writing this, my knowledge of British spellings was sorely limited.
I hadn't thought of Hermione going to the Burrow that Summer. I thought she just went straight to Grimmauld Place. But the Burrow works as a better setting for the start of Hermione/Ginny, much less gloomy, more Summery.
LOL at Hermione ogling Mr. W.
Sweet and sexy, esp with Hm/G getting over their shyness. I like the idea of their "special bond," even as they think about and date boys.
Quibbles:
"kind of led to an automatic friendship"--I'm not sure "automatic" can be "kind of."
"They weren’t the only one..." Even for the Twins, this sounds odd.
"...Viktor, as he was rather good looking..." My impression from canon is she doesn't think Viktor is good-looking, and is drawn to him for other reasons. Maybe she changed her mind after they got together, but a "even if she hadn't thought so at first," or something like that would clarify.
I'm not actually sure where Hermione went first that summer, but the Burrow worked best for my purposes, so I took a bit of literary license and sent her there.
You're right on "the only one" and I've fixed that. Thanks!
As for Viktor, I think I follow book canon on the basic story when I write, but my mental images always seem to revert to film, so I'm sure I was thinking of the film Viktor when I said he was rather good looking.
Blink! Wait, did Harry and Ron just walk into Hermione's room? At school? What about the boy-repelling stairs?
Other than that, great ending, I'm eager to see what happens next.
Quibbles:
Why is a sweaty girl less sexy than a sweaty boy? Because Ginny is less sexy to Hermione than "the boys"?
"sitting positing"
Hmm, well, Hermione was waiting for Ginny in the Room of Requirement ... which I clearly knew in my head as I wrote this, but I guess I didn't explain it all that well until a bit later in the chapter.
I guess it was rather sexist of me to say a sweaty girl wasn't as sexy as a sweaty boy, but I suppose I did it because Hermione has always been more drawn to the boys and isn't attracted to girls in general, even though she has a special relationship with Ginny ... or maybe I wrote it that way because the idea of Harry & Ron all sweaty after a Quidditch victory just gets me worked up ...
Thanks again for catching my errors ... off to fix that one now.
Oh, the Room of Requirement! OK, that makes much more sense.
Heh, the boys were watching longer than I thought.
Very hot. You built it up nicely, and then release.
Not exactly a quibble, but the four of them seem surprisingly comfortable with this, including the quasi-incest. The effect of the Room of R?
Well, I knew I explained their location somewhere!
Honestly, they probably were too comfortable with the four of them together, but I'd say that's partly due to the effects of the Room always giving you what you need and "that need" that was already in play by Hermione and Ginny playing around with each other and by Harry and Ron having spent time watching ... I'm sure it wouldn't have gone so smoothly if the four of them had initially gone there together with the intent of having a four-way romp since their inhibitions would be more in control than their libidos.
