Interview - Editor's Choice - Shocfix

Interview with Shocfix
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Editor's Choice for March - Shocfix

by Annie

We arrived at Hogwarts and waited anxiously in the Great Hall for Shocfix. Kerryblaze and I paced nervously about as Dream_Wia_Dream complained that she couldn't get the internet at Hogwarts. We were nervous, anxious, and we were both trying to find a way not to fangirl and embarrass ourselves.

"She's late," Simon's Flower looked at her watch and Madam Minnie rolled her eyes.

"Your watch doesn't work at Hogwarts." She drummed her hands on the table. "I want to sit in Dumbledore's chair!"

"No!" Dream_Wia_Dream looked up from her laptop. "Annie already got in trouble for the Dumbledore's chair thing. We need to behave or we won't be invited back."

"Do you think she for—" Kerryblaze's voice trailed off as a white snowy owl swoop in through the rafters. It landed on the table in front of Madam Minnie and nipped her fingers.

"Well," I muttered as I fished in my pocket for a cigarette. "Read it all ready."

"Ladies," Madam Minnie read. "Please come to the hospital wing at once. Ms. Shocfix has had an episode and she's resting comfortably."

Simon's Flower arched her eyebrow, "An episode?"

Dream_Wia_Dream closed her laptop and shrugged. "Well, let's go find out what happened."

We all were a bit worried and headed straight for the moving staircases. We only got stuck twice and Mrs. Norris chased Madam Minnie for several hundred yards before Filch gave us all detention. Apparently we were going to have to clean the Slytherin Common Room after our interview with Shocfix.

"Just once," I muttered. "I'd like to go some place without getting into trouble."

"It's not going to happen," Kerryblaze smirked.

"You're with Simon's Flower," Dream_Wia_Dream giggled. "We just have to pray we aren't arrested."

We stepped through the doors of the hospital wing only to be greeted by Harry. He flushed bright red and Simon's Flower sighed happily.

"We got your owl." Madam Minnie sidled up to Harry and I hear Simon's Flower growled deep in her chest. "What happened to Shocfix?"

"Well you see," Harry stammered. "It really wasn't our fault. She fainted."

"Fainted?" Kerryblaze looked as if she's just had an epiphany. "She caught the two of you didn't she?"

"What?" Harry asked and I grin.

"She caught the two of you doing something," Kerryblaze continued. "What were you doing?"

Harry turned an even brighter red and motioned that we should follow him.

"He's avoiding the question," I hissed and the others nod. "Shocfix will tell us."

We moved around the curtains to find a very red Ronald Weasley rubbing Shocfix's shoulders. She gave us a dreamy smile and Simon'sSimon's Flower giggled.

"So…" Harry began. "Ron and I will be right outside if she needs us. We promised her we wouldn't leave her for too long."

Ron bent and kissed Shocfix's cheek as we sat in the chairs gathered around the bed. Shocfix's eyes finally came back into focus and she grinned at us.

"Hi, sorry about all this," she said happily. "I was exploring the castle and found the boys in—" Her eyes clouded again and she fanned herself. "I'll tell you about it after the interview."

Dream_Wia_Dream opened her laptop and nodded that we should begin.

"How did you get involved in writing fanfiction?" Madam Minnie asked as Shocfix reached for a piece of chocolate on the table next to her bed.

"Lawks. My first ever story was originally written – years ago – as a Troi/Riker, because Troi often mentioned how much she loved chocolate – even though I never read TNG!fic." She paused and glanced at us. "When I got sucked in to the HP fandom, I read all the Ron/Hermione I could lay my hands on and I wanted to write something, but I wasn’t confident enough, so I recycled my old story – because Ron loves chocolate, too."

She popped the chocolate into her mouth and I laughed. Simon's Flower reached for a piece and Kerryblaze slapped her hand before asking the next question.

"You probably know we are all huge fan girls," she began and the rest of us nodded. "What story was the most fun to write? Which was the most challenging and why?"

Shocfix blushed before smiling at us. "Fun? They are all fun – because I don’t take it very seriously, do I? I liked writing Mirrors, because that was the only fic I ever actually plotted out – it was for a ficafest thing, so I had a list of someone else’s kinks to work into it." She suddenly grew serious. "The most challenging is obviously Believe That Magic Works. It had to be over 40,000 words, for the challenge, which meant it had to be plotted in advance; it had to be set in year seven, and I decided to cover the whole of year seven, which meant I had to decide what and where the Horcruxes were, decide how to destroy them, decide how to face Voldemort, decide how and when the Ron and Hermione would actually get together. Compare that to a funny line leaping into my head and I write a quick 1000 words."

"Magic Works seriously just knocked my socks off," I replied. "The friendship aspect of it was done so wonderfully."

Shocfix blushed again and hands me a piece of chocolate. Simon's Flower glares at Kerryblaze and I smirk happily.

"She got a piece of chocolate," Simon's Flower muttered before trying to steal my piece. "Annie give it to me! I need it more!"

Madam Minnie giggled and looked at Shocfix. "Do you think we're mental?"

Shocfix gave us an innocent look and blinked. "What? The fandom? TQP? The three of you, who I had to rescue poor marksykins from after you got her arrested???"

Dream_Wia_Dream laughed as Simon's Flower and I continued to fight over the chocolate.

"I have a question for you." Dream_Wia_Dream smiled. "Which is your favorite Harry Potter Book?"

Shocfix looked at Simon's Flower and I before shaking her head and throwing a piece of chocolate towards Simon's Flower.

"Mine," Simon's Flower growled at Madam Minnie.

"Half-Blood Prince – I was dreading a dark, war-filled book, and we got all the fascinating Riddle backstory, yes, but we also got all the wonderful relationship stuff." She paused when I lifted and eyebrow. She laughed and continued, "Not just the wonder of Ron writhing like eels, and wrestling vertically, and making a noise like a plunger when he stops kissing. The Harry/Ron friendship scenes were beautiful – the teasing him about the necklace; the taking care of him when he swallows the love-potion!chocolates; the not wanting to risk his friendship for anything with the whole ‘Ron or Ginny’ thing; the looking for his approval when he kisses her." We all nod in agreement as Shocfix continues. "The Ron/Hermione broke my heart – she had been so brave, finally making the first move, and he was so cute, agreeing to go with her. And then it just blew up and I was so sad. And then, when he croaks out her name, on his deathbed! And when he hides behind her whenever Lavender is around, and she doesn’t mind. And sobbing in each others’ arms!"

"How did you feel about the other friendships in the book," Madam Minnie asked.

"The Harry and Hermione friendship just warmed my cockles – he has always rather just taken from her, hasn’t he? She takes care of him, mothers him, and he lets her – often grudgingly. But this time, she was hurt and lost and heartbroken, and he was a wonderful friend." She beamed before continuing. "The strength of the Trio at the end just rocked my socks – it couldn’t have finished on a more beautiful thought. And the surprise at the end – they are not coming back to school to create ridiculous jogging teacups, they are going on a Quest."

Madam Minnie poured herself a glass of water and asked, "Well this leads into our next question. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character and why?"

Shocfix looked at Madam Minnie in astonishment. "What a bizarre question! My favourite Harry Potter character is Ronald Weasley." She grinned when Kerryblaze and I laughed. "Ron is amazing. He is utterly normal and real and says and does dreadful, boyish, insensitive things; he is Harry’s path to a real life as a wizard; he is Harry’s path to a family; he is brave and loyal and funny and rude and cute and doesn’t know it and loyal and funny. And brave."

"What do you think the defining moment in the characterization of Ron is?" Kerryblaze asked.

"I'm going to quote that moment," Shocfix said softly. "I've got it memorized." She paused and took a deep breath. "'Ron, however, spoke to Black."If you want to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us too!" he said fiercely, though the effort of standing upright was draining him of still more colour, and he swayed slightly as he spoke.

Something flickered in Black's shadowed eyes."Lie down," he said quietly to Ron. "You will damage that leg even more. "Did you hear me?" Ron said weakly, though he was clinging painfully to Harry to stay upright. "You'll have to kill all three of us!"'"

"Yes!" I jumped up and pumped my arm in the air. "That's exactly it!"

They all burst out laughing. Dream_Wia_Dream pulled me back into my seat.

"Shocfix," she asked. "What do you think the most shocking moment of the Harry Potter series has been so far?"

"When Harry sees Ron snogging Lavender." She paused when we all snort. "No, really!"

"You're serious?" Madam Minnie asked.

"Shocking is different from stressful – we knew there would be a death in OotP, so every time anyone was injured I was a mess – especially when Ron was spitting out blood – but Sirius dying was actually a relief – phew, it was only Sirius, Ron is alright!" Shocfix paused. "We pretty much expected Dumbledore to die – Hero’s journey, and all - and I suppose it was surprising that Snape killed him, but it only made me more sure that Snape is not on Voldie’s side." She shook her head. "But there just wasn’t a Ron/Lavender shaped hole in my brain. It did not compute. I sat there, gaping like a fish. I re-read it. 'There, in full view of the whole room, stood Ron wrapped so closely around Lavender Brown it was hard to tell whose hands were whose.' I couldn’t come up with any deep hidden between-the-lines meaning." She laughed. "She’d been cutely crushing on him all the way through, but I thought that that would just be to make Hermione jealous. But he was kissing her. With that fabulous, filthy, talented mouth, that had previously only been used for swearing and talking while full of food." She sighed dreamily. "Of course, he swallows an entire fried egg whole, in chapter nine, so we should have picked up on the hints that he was embarking on a whole new, oral journey – she’s so clever like that - though it worried me when he gagged on a piece of kipper in chapter eleven…"

I grinned at her and waggled my eyebrows. " If you were trapped in a cupboard with a Harry Potter character who would it be and what would you do with them?"

A wicked grin appeared on her face. "Ron – and I would protect him from the spiders." She sniggered and we all laugh.

"Who is your role model?" Simon's Flower asked as she stole another piece of chocolate.

Shocfix blinked several times and looked puzzled, "I don’t really have one, do I? I’d behave much better, if I did. Is it naff to say JKR?? Oh, that implies she behaves badly, and that is why I am so irresponsible." She pauseed. "You should see the amount of housework I put off to come here today." We all laughed and she continued, "I mean the whole being desperate to write, and being a normal, broke woman who succeeds. And she treats her fans so well – no other author is so accessible and friendly. And she is funny. I hope I am funny."

"Oh you are," Kerryblaze replied. "I think I speak for everyone when I say your LJ posts brighten all our days."

"They do!" I agreed. "Your sense of humor is spot on!"

"Stop fangirling," Madam Minnie smiled. "What is your favorite food and would which famous person (non-HP) would you most like to share it with?"

"Chocolate; Jake Gyllenhaal." Shocfix said quickly and Madam Minnie's face lit up.

"Which character is the hardest for you to write?" Simon's Flower asked. "You do so well with Ron and sometimes it's really hard for me to find his voice. So do you have any you can't write?"

"Oh that's a good question," Shocfix replied. "I write so few characters, this is a hard question! I mean, I throw in the occasional very unredeemed-Malfoy, or Snape, or Remus, but they barely say a word." She paused. "So, out of the ones I do write, well, Ron is a dream, my letters to my bank manager come out in Ron’s POV; Harry is harder, when he is being plotal, but not when he is being sexy with his Ron; my Ginny is pretty much Ron with breasts; my Hermione. Yup. Pre-HBP, Hermione was easier, because – although she obviously had a massive crush on Ron – it was easier to move her past that and have her help get them together. Now, well, she is obviously deeply in love with him, and I find it hard to just dismiss that." She laughed. "Because she has such good taste."

"What inspires you to write these brilliant stories?" Kerryblaze asked.

Shocfix handed her a piece of chocolate and Kerryblaze bounced in her seat happily.

"Ron; making my flist laugh; Ron; needing something hot and funny to read; Ron; people saying such nice things about my stories, when hubby never does," Shocfix replied.

"So you would say," Madam Minnie giggled. "Ron?"

Simon's Flower thwapped Madam Minnie on the back of the head. "Shocfix, what three things would you take with you to a deserted island?"

"Chocolate; Les Miserables (the longest book on my ‘to read’ pile); Ron Weasley," she answered and I laughed.

"I told you! I told you everything comes back to Ron!" I smiled. "It's like the seven degrees of Kevin Bacon thing."

Simon's Flower rolled her eyes and I lifted my middle finger in a gesture worthy of Ron.

"We're all in a disagreement about Harry's fate after book seven," I said softly. "If you could choose what would his fate be?"

"Choose sensibly, or in la-la land?" She laughed. "Sensibly, in the end of actual book seven, he would be back with Ginny, and Ron and Hermione would be together, and he would have a trial with the Cannons. In my own little world, he would be with Ron."

"What advice would you give other writers?" Simon's Flower asked and snagged Madam Minnie's piece of chocolate.

"Real writers? I have no idea." She grinned. "Fanfic writers? Enjoy it; only write what you enjoy reading; if you don’t reread your own stories for pleasure, then why bother?" She paused and gave Simon's Flower a look. "By the way this is my 'look so pointed you could put white hair on it and call it Malfoy.' Don't hurt Ron."

"I've only killed him five times," Simon's Flower muttered. "I've killed Hermione too."

"She is evil," I muttered as I heard Harry and Ron outside in the hallway. "The boys are coming back soon."

"Shocfix." Madam Minnie took another sip of water. "I have to know the answer to this—how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Shocfix straightened in the bed and frowned. " I’m sorry, woodchucks are a North American species, and my closest member of the Genus Marmota is the alpine marmot, so after Britpicking, that question becomes 'How much wood would an alpine marmot chuck if an alpine marmot could chuck wood?'" She laughed. "Which is a stupid question!"

"Well she sure answered all our questions," Kerryblaze laughed. "Now we have one final question. What were Ron and Harry doing?"

"Well…" Shocfix paused and licked her lips. "I caught Ron…he was…worshiping…oh my…Harry's arse."

The six of us moaned in unison as Harry and Ron came back into the hospital wing. I grin as Ron sat down and stroked Shocfix's hair.

"Shocfix," I grinned and looked at Ron. "If seeing the boys like that killed you what would your epitaph be?"

Shocfix grinned and patted Ron's hand. "Well, I’m not going to have a tombstone, I want to be sprinkled off Waterloo Bridge – is that a good enough cop out?" She frowned when we shook our heads. "OK, um. She must have been a good mother, because both her children wrote HP fanfiction to win her approval."

We all laughed and I noticed that Harry was glaring at Simon's Flower. He grabbed her arm as we got up to leave and hissed, "I need to talk to you in private."

Shocfix gasped. Ron laughed as Harry dragged Simon's Flower from the room.

"What was that about?" Kerryblaze looked at Ron.

"Oh, I reckon he's a bit upset about her killing me," Ron said. "He's going to give her a good tongue lashing while I give Shocfix a full body massage."

"He's perfect," Shocfix gasped and shooed us from the room.